In case you missed it, we posted the first set of Facebook atrocities earlier this year. You might want to start there. Or do these first. It’s not like there’s a plot to follow.
1) Using a Photo of Your Child as Your Profile Picture
Yeah, so, I didn’t ask to become friends with your 4-year old. I’m sure he’s a great guy and everything, probably a wonderful conversationalist, but I was actually more interested in keeping in touch with you. Kind of like, you know, the reason for being on Facebook to begin with.
“But he’s such a big part of my life! It represents me!”
Yeah, well, I watch a lot of porn, but you don’t see me using Sasha Grey as my profile picture.
Ideally, we want to see what you look like; you should know that 90% of the reason Facebook exists is to see how hot or ugly our former classmates and ex-girlfriends and boyfriends have become. Do your part. If you want to throw your kid in there as an accessory, fine. Want to have the occasional graphic or logo to celebrate or protest something? Go nuts. But we don’t need pictures of someone else.
2) Sharing “Tests” That Are So Ridiculously Simple, It’s Embarassing To See You Answered It.
Yeah, actually I can name a state that doesn’t have an “E” in it, and so can everyone else over the age of four with at least two functional brain cells.
I can also name a technological malady with a “V” in it – as in “Virus”, which is what your dumb ass just downloaded on to your PC when you shared that post.