Now that I’m nestled in the cozy confines of a relationship, I took a minute to think about the joys of walking on the grass on the other side of the fence. It is a lovely shade of green, as it turns out. There’s an occasional pile of manure over here, but that’s how it stays so green, I guess.
There are a wealth of things I’m happy to leave behind in the bachelor world : watching Valentine’s Day commercials alone on the couch, dating in general, the vague uncertainty that you will ever reproduce – but no aspect of that life will be missed less than spending painful hours on match.com.
My aversion to it grew so strong that I had resigned myself to either just embracing a future as Crazy Cat Guy writing unpublished novels in a filthy study surrounded by dozens of shelter rescue kitties, or simply hoping I would wake up one morning and realize I was actually gay. I would make an awesome bear, for the record.