Ah, America. The land of freedom and opportunity, including the opportunity to not even have to pull your fat ass out of your car to acquire your 1,500 calorie bag of grease. It’s an almost embarrassingly lazy practice – but it is so…damn…convenient. I indulge the urge to swing through and pick up an unhealthy payload more often than I should; then again, when you see the shitshow of humanity loitering about inside these fast-food joints, you remember it’s the lesser of two evils. The next time I can eat a meal inside a Taco Bell without a morbidly obese mother of three ADHD-inflicted children engaged in a heated relationship argument with her baby’s daddy on her rhinestone-encrusted iPhone 4 will be the first time.
Although I am well aware that this is perhaps the ultimate definition of first-world problems, there are a handful of things the souls working that window do that make me want to do something like this :
1) Violating the Natural Order of Things
Look, since the dawn of time, the drive thru has operated the same way :
- customer pulls to window
- worker collects money from customer
- worker hands food to customer
- the end
Ostensibly put in to place to avoid people driving off with their food without paying, this is the way it has always worked. Expecting this, we customers have our money out and prepared for the worker when we pull up.
So, when the worker greets you at the window with your beverage in one hand and food in the other, holding them both out of the window in your direction like an inexperienced father looking to pass off a baby on the nearest mother, they are fucking everything up. I had a handful of money with exact change in my free hand, and now I need to dump it all in the console in a panic to receive your premature offering. Now you’re getting a $50, asshole.
2) I can’t predict the future, Luke Slowtyper
I know that you’re going on autopilot the whole day, headset jockey, but you know damn well when you’re asking me “is everything correct on the screen?” that you haven’t even finished entering the order yet. I’m pretty sure the electronic impulses between your keyboard and this screen twenty feet away are traveling fast enough to assume that you just haven’t pushed the buttons before you asked me.
Further, is it asking too much to have the items on the screen loosely resemble the actual name of the food? When I order a Nacho Supreme with chicken, and see NH SP C on the screen, I’m going to just have to take a leap of faith that that is in fact what I ordered. Are you working on a Commodore 64 back there? Add the missing letters, Vanna.