[dropcap]A[/dropcap]lright, so here’s the scene…
Taco Bell drive-thru. 7:43 pm. An overcast early Spring evening.
I’ve pulled up to the little box squawking at me with a clarity somewhere between Morse Code and Russian submarine radio signal, placed my order for a pair of burritos and a Diet Mountain Dew, and pulled forward.
The car in front of me, a Toyota Camry from, oh, let’s say 2003 with more than a couple scrapes and dents peppered across its rear end patiently nudges forward as the border-runners before us get handed their meals and depart for whatever classy place Taco Bell customers go at night. When it’s the Camry’s turn to pull up to the window, though, the driver comes in a little hot. He doesn’t bring the vehicle to a complete stop until his window is about two feet past the food portal.
Did I just make up “food portal”? You’re damn right I did. But now you’re going to use it in everyday conversation because it sounds a ton cooler than “window”. You’re welcome.
So, predictably, Mr. Camry puts it in reverse and backs up to the food portal to collect his bounty. He sits there waiting, foot pressed on the brake pedal—but his reverse lights are still on.
Ten seconds pass. Twenty. Sixty. By now, I’m convinced there is no way he remembers his car is still in reverse.
So, what to do? On one hand, you can sit there like an idiot and watch your car eat a thousand dollars of fascia damage when Admiral Amnesia up there hits the gas after throwing his Doritos Locos Tacos in the passenger seat.
On the other… well… what can you do really? Honking the horn makes you look like a total dick and really doesn’t clue in homeboy to what the issue is, and getting out of your car to walk up and tell him directly that his car is in reverse comes off as a spazzy overreach.
The Whitman’s Sampler of damage festooned on his rear bumper, however, leads me to believe that perhaps this driver isn’t the most aware on the road.
For the record, I did in fact get out and tell him his car was in reverse. Peering back at me incredulously and slightly annoyed from under his Dolce & Gabbana baseball cap that was as tasteful as it was authentic, the driver chirped “I know” and shifted the car back into drive.
Sure you did, buddy.
What would you have done? Tell us in the comments. Or don’t.